Dialogue Tags and Action
I cannot speak highly enough regarding two editors I have worked with. I thought it might be useful for you to share what Megan taught me. Below is an extract from her opening comments regarding book 1, Operation Foxtrot Five…
You have great dialogue, but I would like to address your use of dialogue tags. Dialogue tags are what come after a line of dialogue to let readers know who is speaking (he said, she asked, etc.). Many of your dialogue tags are combined with an action tag. For example:
1) …Andrew Hallen said as he rolled his chair across the floor and started tapping at the keyboard of his computer.
2) “Morning, ma’am,” he said cheerfully as he passed the bunch of red roses to her.
Combining action tags and dialogue tags is okay sometimes, but majority of your dialogue tags should be separate from action. The ratio right now is off. Luckily, though, this is an easy fix. You have two options: (1) delete the action tag altogether or (2) create an action beat.
Here is an example of an action beat:
Original sentence—“I love you,” he said as he took hold of her hand.
Revised tag—“I love you.” He took hold of her hand.
Do you see the difference? The second version is more concise and a smoother read. All we’ve done is remove the said, let the dialogue stand alone, and left the action. It makes a huge difference in readability, and it can reveal character traits. Action beats are sharp and keep the pace strong. You do use action beats in your book, but more often than not you combine the dialogue and action tags. I encourage you to separate them, delete the action, or just get rid of the dialogue tag altogether and rely on the action beats to do the work of both.
One final note on dialogue tags. Said is the invisible dialogue tag, meaning most readers don’t even notice it—they skip right over. This is good, because it allows a reader to focus on the story instead of the tag. Words like you used a lot: cried, instructed, admired, etc., cause a reader to stop and focus on the dialogue tag instead of the dialogue itself. Keep an eye out for these and any excessive dialogue tags. I’m marked most of these, but feel free to adjust or delete more.
I hope you found this useful, and thank you, Meagan.
DJ
(c) DJ Stutley 2015
That’s really great advice from Megan, little things like that can make a whole lot of difference. It’s amazing though, how often you read books with tags on every piece of dialogue–even when it is an established “New York Times Best Selling” author. Thanks for posting this DJ :D