Stutley Tales

Too hard, or really, really hard.

A number of years ago when I first started trauma counselling, I was working on being able to be in crowded places again. I started small, with my local shops, then large shopping centres, and I was building up to more unfamiliar and larger crowds.

The airport was a good place to practice. At first it was frightening to go through the security checkpoints with strangers in front and behind me. But I got used to that and needed a bigger challenge. I told Dr Lee that my daughter had asked me to go with her to the rugby game in two weeks time, and he was really excited – much more excited than I was! He thought that would be perfect. I would be attending something that I was passionate about, and the excitement around me would be a positive reenforcement.

When I turned up at my next appointment he asked how the game went and I had to tell him I didn’t go. I said, ‘It was just too hard.’ He held up a hand to stop me talking and said ‘Wait a minute, let me write that down.’ Then I was encouraged to go over the reasons why I didn’t go. I ended by saying that it was just too hard.

‘Let me tell you something,’ he said. ‘When you say that something is too hard, you’re implying it can’t be done. Like flying… no matter how hard you flap your arms when you jump off the roof, you can’t fly because it is physically impossible. That is too hard. When you look at a mountain and say, “it would be too hard to climb”, then you’re saying that it is impossible to climb. But if you say that the mountain would be ‘really, really hard’ to climb, then there is at least the possibility that it can be done.’

It forever changed the way I think. When I am tempted to say or think something is too big, too hard, too far etc, I now ask, ‘Is it really too hard?  Or is it really, really hard?’ There’s a big difference between something that is impossible to do, and something that is hard to do.

DJ

(c) DJ Stutley 2012

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